So in case the title didn’t explain it enough, I am a lesbian. Call it what you may: dyke, queer, carpetmuncher, lesbo, etc but it all means the same thing. I. AM. GAY. I’m not exactly ashamed of it either. Also, the funny thing is that I don’t even look gay. I have long hair, I dress in punk clothes every day, I don’t play sports, and I don’t act anything like a guy. The only thing boyish about me is that I’d occasionally dress in guys clothes but that’s cause they’re more comfortable. I like the part where their clothes aren’t fitted and the pants are unbelievably loose and comfy. But that’s like a once a month thing and I’ve outgrown wearing them daily for a few months.
Now, being gay isn’t anything to be ashamed off but it’s more of society’s perception that makes it a negative thing. When people think lesbian what is immediately pictured is a girl with short hair, guys clothing, athletic and boyish. Yeah…that’s not me. When people, specifically those belonging to my age group learn that I’m gay, I get bombarded with the most inane questions and statements that it has lost its flair after the fifth interrogation. Why did I use the word interrogation? Because it feels like it.
How long have you been gay? It’s like asking them how long they have been straight. It’s stupid. Still, I do answer it since I can tell they’re generally curious and they don’t mean to offend. I’ve been gay since I was six years old. I’ve looked at my girl classmates quite differently from boys but at the time I haven’t though anything bad of it. I’ve been harbouring a crush for my former best friend since I was 7 and it stayed till I was 12. Of course she just had to be straight so I never told her besides, she was unbelievably beautiful and had boys clamouring for her attention since third grade. I had no chance and again, I’m pretty sure she was straight as a ruler. Being gay got worse when I hit puberty.
But you don’t look gay/You’re too pretty to be gay. What exactly does it mean to look gay? I’m sorry that I know jack shit about cars (though my family owns a second hand car shop), I’m about as athletically coordinated as a rock, my hair reaches my back, I have a very feminine hobby of knitting and crocheting , love make up and basically, I look just like a regular girl. Thank you for saying that I’m pretty (and I’m not being vain. I’m aware that I’m at least not ugly) but that’s like saying that to be a lesbian one of the requirements is to be well…ugly. It’s offensive. Very.
Who’s the boy in the relationship? Unless I’m dating a transgender, there is no guy in a lesbian relationship. Even if I were dating a butch, she doesn’t need to do the things that a guy would. Biologically, we are both women so how in the hell can there be a guy in this relationship? Sure it’s a bit difficult especially when we’re both femmes and neither of us is very aggressive/dominant but it’s cool. Women are generally passive creatures. Heck, when I was in a relationship with a rather feminine bisexual girl, I paid for dates, held doors, brought her home but she’d usually be the one to instigate the first move like when we kiss. There is no traditional rule to follow. Had she been butch, I’d still do the same things though it may be a bit awkward.
How far did you two go? This question is so perverse that I can’t even explain how offended I get when I break up with a girl and my straight classmates ask me this. I don’t go asking them how far they went because I don’t need details of what they do in the bedroom and they shouldn’t ask for mine unless we’re really close. And I mean REALY CLOSE.
How do two girls has sex? A follow up question to the previous one and also quite offensive. Google is there. It’s not so difficult to type how women have sex. But, I would not suggest looking at lesbian porn. Those things disgust me because they were so obviously made for men to watch. The girls fake their sounds, a lot of penetration of foreign objects is involved (objects that should NOT be inserted in a vagina), and how they have sex is just…WRONG. Lesbian porn should be renamed as a manual on “How NOT to have sex with a lesbian.” But to answer this question for those who are curious, it’s a give and take thing. Unless one of the girls is a stone butch (a girl who likes to do all the work) and the other is a pillow queen (a girl who just lies there and enjoys), both parties need to exert effort. Sometimes special toys like dildos and vibrators are used but that doesn’t mean we want a penis so for the boys who are about to ask if they can join, you can’t.
Do you think she’s hot?/Does she turn you on? I have friends who like to point random girls at me quite a lot and ask if I’d do them. Uhhh….just cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want to bang every pretty girl I see. I’m not an animal. A straight girl (unless she’s a nymphomaniac) doesn’t want to have sex with every guy they pass by so how should a lesbian any different? We’re people too. Normal people just like you who were raised under cultural norms and possess morals.
Maybe I’ll have a Part II because there are so many questions that I find it hard to put it all in one article. These are some of the more common ones though so I thought I’d post them first. Do you have any questions to ask? If you do, I’d be more than happy to answer them if I can. Unless it’s something stupid like if I’m going to hell, do I watch L-Word (I did and like most girls, I find Shane HOT!), do I believe in God, is this just a phase, etc. But yeah, I’m open to questions so ask away. J