It happened today in the car, while he was bringing me to work. We had a disagreement with the Bible and my career path. I said that I don’t believe that the Bible is 100% correct and I want to quit my job that isn’t making me happy. He did not like what I said about the Bible. He lost his temper and gave me a beating in the car while he was driving. He kept punching me, pulling my hair, and slapping my face. He cursed me and accused me of being gay because overtime he brings out the topic, I refused to talk about it. In those few seconds, I was terrified he found out the truth. Thank God it was just a speculation. However, he still continued hitting me. I wanted to get off the car but it was moving and I was worried that we might crash. He only stopped when my Grandmother called but before leaving the car, I yelled “Grandma! Daddy is beating me!” He pulled my hair and half my body was out of the car. I think he wanted to pull me inside and I screamed and fought and people were staring. He didn’t want to cause a scene. I ran inside the building. I arrived at the office but left 15 minutes later because I was too depressed and just had to cry. I went to a rarely used restroom, called my friend and broke down. Thank God she was there to listen to me. I was on the roof of that building. I contemplated suicide for an hour, wondering if I should just jump. It would be so easy. The rail is just in front of me. But I had to think of my Mother. She would never forgive herself. My little sister still needs me and I’m not done teaching her how to survive in this cold, unforgiving society. My brother has an addiction and it might get worse if I leave him.
My Mom was furious when she found out. When I was 15, he once beat me up so bad that I nearly ended up in the hospital. He has always had temper issues. When someone disagrees with him or pisses him off, he curses and beats the other person. He thinks that we don’t know that he beats and rapes his mistresses but our driver quit because he was traumatised by the deeds of my Dad. He confessed to our maid before leaving and that’s how we found out. He used to beat me black and blue for having bad grades, while I was making my breakfast, or when I disagreed with his opinion, and he also tortured my brother by stabbing his fingers with needles (those syringe one cause he has diabetes) when he was 7 years old. He did different forms of abuse on us growing up. We’re taking measures now. We’ve gone to several government agencies to have today’s incident recorded and what he did will strengthen my Mom’s annulment application. He dug his own grave. Honestly, what kind of God-fearing Christian reads the Bible and proceeds to beat up a defenceless woman? I did nothing to deserve this.
I’ve had to put up with this crap for more than 13 years and I’ve had enough. I don’t know what I’m going to do but I will get through this. I refuse to let my depression take over me again. Feeling sorry for myself never got me anywhere and though I find a morbid delight in drowning in my own misery, I can’t do that. Not just for myself but for my family. My sister is still a child and she is traumatised by this. If I don’t do something, she might think it’s okay and not put a stop if something similar happens to her. That is unacceptable. I’ve cursed the mantle I was given as the eldest child, forced to protect and shield my younger siblings when it would have been so much easier to just give up but I can’t. I have bruises on my face and it feels like fire every time ice is applied. I can’t go to work like this. Not in my mental and physical condition. I’ll get help. I’ll get better. At least I have my family and friends on my side. I will survive. I WILL LIVE.