Stop Outing Other LGBT People

               “Hey, this is Dyana, my lesbian friend.” My friend as she introduces me to her friends.

               “This is Joe, he’s gay.” An acquaintance says as she drags her buddy over from the other side of the bar

               I’m out and proud of my sexuality but that doesn’t mean I want a bunch of strangers knowing about it. I don’t like the way my preference is highlighted and solely becomes my identity. That as lesbian, this is the way my friends remember me. The ONLY way they remember me. If people came up to me and asked, I’d be happy to confirm and answer a few questions.

               I’m sure that us out of the closet people have experienced this a handful of times. A friend introducing us to his/her collegues or friends and immediately bringing up our sexuality. This is usually a product of tactlessness and ignorance. Often, this is done by heterosexual friends. They don’t mean to offend us. Maybe they do this because they like having friends from the LGBT community that don’t fit the stereotype (lipstick lesbians and masculine gay men). It still puzzles them that we don’t fit in with the image the word associates with. Or maybe they’re just happy that they know gay or transgender people in general. Whatever the case, this is a very common occurrence.

               I’m writing this because this is exactly what happened today at work. My officemates ordered pizza and our entire team of 22 people were eating and having a good time. We chatted with our cliques when one of them from the next table brings it up. “Hey Dyana! You’re a lesbian right?” Suddenly it was quiet. My spine stiffened, I was having an internal panic but I tried to play it cool by laughing it off. Then one of them said “You didn’t say anything! That means yes, right?’” and I replied with “I didn’t say yes, but I didn’t say no either” and laughed if off again. Even though I didn’t confirm it, it was a still a silent yes. I only told a handful of my team about my sexuality (maybe 7 people at most) and now 16 other people know. This is not good. Some of them could be homophobic and treat me differently.  I felt embarrassed, and irritated. The bisexual girl beside me could only give a sympathetic smile cause she must know how I felt while one of my coworkers who I’ve told commented that it was such a tactless move.

               My point is that people should stop outing others without the other person’s consent. It’s not cool and it does not make a good ice breaker. It’s awkward and can bring questions and judgements while barely knowing the other person. If a person wants to introduce a gay friend to their friends or colleagues, then bring up other things that make them interesting like they skateboard, paint, or write. Just don’t bring up their sexuality immediately unless permission is obtained.

Why People Judge Based on Appearance

In my last article, I talked about how as a child, I was bullied a lot for not being society’s version of beautiful. After some contemplation, I realize that I can’t blame kids for judging other people based on how they looked. They were taught to be that way. Let me explain. When it comes to picking toys, what do kids want? Isn’t it usually the bigger and shinier toys? Few kids are going to want the cheap Barbie knock off when the original and more expensive version is just beside it or a toy car with its stickers about to fall off when there’s a Hot Wheels version complete with a race track next to it. When they’re with their parents’ grocery shopping, it’s always the perfect produce that gets picked- no bruises, dark spots, etc. Kids pick up on these little things and subconsciously, the mind-set is that prettier=better. This extends to people too.

photo from

In school, I’ve met beautiful kids with the kindest hearts and then pretty faced dolls whose souls feed off making others miserable. There were also those with features not as aesthetically pleasing but with wonderful personalities that made you just want to have them as your friend or who carried themselves with the aura of Regina George (Mean Girls reference!) but had the face of a raisin. Even though children are taught not to judge people on how they look, it has already been ingrained in their minds that the prettier things are better. As children, this is excusable behaviour because they don’t know any better. It doesn’t make it right but it is understandable. But if an adult still judges others based on their appearance, that just makes them a dick.

The Lingering Effects of Being An Ugly Duckling

When I was a kid, I was fat. Ever since 1st grade, other girls made fun of me for being fat and a weirdo. I’ll admit that my personality is way too eccentric and I wasn’t the most attractive kid around. However, I was happy. I had friends, a good self-esteem, and didn’t care about how I looked. When I hit puberty, things got worse. I had terrible acne, I was still chubby, snorted when I laughed, had braces, ugly glasses, bad hair, and basically looked like an Asian Version of Ugly Betty. It did not help that this became my nickname for a full year.

This is how my hair and glasses looked in high school. Obviously she's not me.

This is how my hair and glasses looked in high school. 

By my sophomore year of high school, my mother had enough. She was not happy with the way I looked and I didn’t blame her. She got brought me to a salon who gave me the best haircut of my life, and forced me to wear contacts. My hair was rebonded on that same day. By this time, my acne was starting to improve and I was losing a bit of weight. After the entire thing was done, I couldn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. I spent a long time looking at her thinking, ‘Is that really me? Why do I look so different?’ I couldn’t admit to myself that for the first time in my life, I looked pretty. I was scared and nervous to go to school. ‘What would everyone say/think’ were the thoughts running through my head. I went to school the following day and EVERYONE was shocked by the transformation. I literally felt like Mia Thermopolis from the Princess Diaries that day! Because of that experience, I knew exactly how she felt.

I could feel the eyes of my classmates on me and I wanted nothing more than for the floor to swallow me whole. By recess, pretty much the other classes knew as well and I could feel the stares. Then as the days passed by, I noticed that people started treating me differently. The popular girls started talking to me, one of them even asked me out, and a lot of people complimented me on how much prettier I looked. That day, I realized the sad truth that how you look plays a huge factor on how people treat you. It’s sad and shallow but oh so very true.

It’s been 7 years since then but I still feel like the ugly girl from years ago. I’m still confused by the compliments from both men and women about how attractive I am when I’ve spent almost my whole life hating my face. I still do. There are days when I look in front of the mirror and I’m baffled by the person staring back. There isn’t a single zit on her face and her teeth are perfect (those braces better have been worth it). My self-esteem is still down the drain, and I still say to myself every day that I’m fat but in terms of appearance, I’ve grown leaps and bounds from that girl in high school.

I’ve become extremely narcissistic and a big chunk of my money goes to beauty products. When I started working and couldn’t wash my face at night because of the strain it would put on my eyes (working on computers at a night shift), I started regressing and the pimples from when I was 13 came back. I panicked and that girl was all I could picture. I did not want to go back to that. I didn’t give a damn anymore on the eye strain and religiously did my facial ritual every night. After 2 weeks, I could rest easy because the acne started to fade away. There are times I feel sad because I miss being that little girl who didn’t care about my appearance and now, I’ve become one of the most insecure women to be sucked by the beauty industry.

I was very thankful when puberty arrived

I was very thankful when puberty arrived. This is me at 12 and 19.

Why Coming Out Will Never End

When I was in high school, I used to think that coming out of the closet would be limited to family and close friends. When I told my siblings and clique, I thought that my job was done and my life would be full of rainbows and unicorns, and people would accept me. Now that I’m a little older, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the case. When I started college and had to come out again, I had to repeat the same explanation. I’m sure that I’m not alone in this. Amongst the top comments/questions would be the following:

How long have you known?

Are you sure?

It’s just a phase.

Maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet.

But you don’t look gay.

I could list plenty more but I’m sure you all get the point. It’s hard when you can pass of as straight and people make assumptions based on how you look. When you start a new job, new gym, or meet new people, they tend to ask questions either to get to know you better or just make small talk. It’s complicated to answer when they ask if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend when you’re current status is your dating or in a relationship with a woman/man. You have to be conscious at all times about using a third person pronoun to hide a significant other’s sex. Not because you’re ashamed of them, but you’re not sure if the people you talk to are accepting of the LGBT community. Though not as close to you as your family, you see these people often and wouldn’t want to make your relationship with each other awkward. Because whether your interactions with these people are limited to the gym or daily at work, you don’t want to screw up the level of comfort you already have.

As we go through life, we’re going to keep meeting new people and make new friends. The next step would be to hope they’re okay with your sexuality and come out again. The questions people ask are pretty much the same since you went to school (if you came out during that period) or first came out , but over time you get used to it. You’re aware of the process and precautions you have to take. Hopefully one day, the social stigma with the LGBT community will end but until that day comes, you continue with this operation for the next 5, 10, 20, or even 50 years.

Why I Never Wear White


White symbolizes purity, innocence, and virginity. There’s a reason why it’s the main color used for wedding gowns. However, white has never sat well with me. I feel like I’m not worthy of that color. When I was five, something precious and innocent was taken away from me. As a child, my parents were rarely home and I was left with the house maids. For seven years I was molested, beaten, verbally and physically abused by them.  Then for another five years, my Father would beat me, and psychologically and verbally harm me as well. This post will not delve too deep into what those monsters did to me. That is a story reserved for another post.

What I went through for 12 years has obviously damaged my psyche and self-esteem. I don’t believe it when they say that child abuse victims fully get better.  Yes, it does get better but we will never be 100% okay because like a scar, their childhood trauma is deeply embedded within. But with time, therapy, and lots of love, we heal. We get can be well, drop the razor, alcohol, drugs, suicidal tendencies, and rebellious attitude (to an extent).

But I digress now. I wanted to write this post because every time I put on something white, it has never boded well with me. I can’t wear a white top without something black dominating the outfit and I haven’t worn a white dress since my high school gala (a gala is a white dress worn by girls during the first Friday of every month. It is a uniform so we all wear the same dress. It is a practice often used in private all girl Catholic schools in the Philippines). I usually dress like a stereotypical emo kid: black skinny jeans, fishnets, leather jacket, fingerless leather gloves, skull tops, studded collars and necklaces; you get the picture. I like this style because it symbolizes how I feel inside: strong, angsty, dark. Sometimes I try on a white dress but I put it back on the rack because I just can’t stomach wearing it. I look good in them but the meaning of the color was often emphasized while I was growing up so I just can’t muster up the will and courage to wear it even though I really want to.

I know that I’m just damaged goods now and I understand it’s going take me a while to find someone who will fully accept me. I’m afraid to open up to friends because I don’t feel like burdening them with my problems is fair and they can only listen for so long. I can’t remember most of my childhood life at home and the few I do aren’t very pleasant memories. I am getting better though. I’ve been fighting this battle for four years now and the depression has greatly decreased and I haven’t cut in a full year so that’s a plus. Occasionally I’ll get nightmares or flashbacks of things I never remember and at least once a week I fall into this black hole of depression which can last for as little as 30 minutes to a few hours. Compared to how broken I was in high school, I’ve definitely made a ton of progress.

I understand that what happened wasn’t my fault yet a part of me still blames myself. What if I just spoke up more? Why didn’t I defend myself? Why did it have to go on till I was 16 before I took action? I am not looking for pity or attention. I just wanted to open this up because I don’t like telling my friends and family these things. People on the internet will judge me but I’d rather have it come from people I don’t know in real life.

The best I can wear is dirty white but I haven’t found a dress with the design I really want. I want a version of white that can express how I feel inside. Something torn but beautiful like my soul. I am dreading my wedding day because wearing a white wedding gown is really not something I look forward to. White symbolizing purity and virginity is a really old practice and I get that it’s the 21st century and all, but it’s still a popular belief.

Young But Technologically Illiterate

I am 20 years old and have been using a computer since I was 5, however, I can barely maximize its full abilities. I don’t know if I’m the only one who suffers from this but I am a 90s kid who sucks at technology. I either break it or can’t use it.

Here are a few examples:

  • I learned about Torrent at 18. My classmates have been using it since high school.
  • I only knew how to load paper in my printer without a paper jam a few weeks ago.
  • I break a phone every 6 months.
  • I have broken 5 digital cameras. I broke the lock, the zoom option due to dropping, getting it wet, etc. Digital cameras also hate me.
  • I don’t know how to use a scanner.
  • I can’t install RPG games. I leave that to my brother.
  • I can’t install any games. Period. Not even Sims.
  • I don’t know how to use GPS but the concept or when my friends use it amazes me.
  • When I got my laptop at 18, my brother set it up for me because I couldn’t do it.
  • I broke my laptop’s 2 USB ports the day I got it. I did not have a USB port for 8 months and had to rely on SD cards. I had it repaired and only one is functioning. Barely.
  • I learned how to make a powerpoint at 11. My classmate laughed and taught me. I was a new kid and didn’t understand my previous school teacher’s instructions on how to make one.
  • I have absolutely no idea how to use Excel.
  • I can’t print landscape.
  • I don’t know how to use the ‘Properties’ tab of a printer.
  • My 52 year old mother is better at printing than I am.
  • I can’t use html. That is why my blog looks so plain and everyone else has background colors and different fonts. Can you guys help me with this? How do you make your blogs look so pretty?
  • I hate technology.

These are just a few cases. I pray that I’m not alone in this. I love technology, don’t get me wrong. It’s very helpful but there are many times when I just don’t get it. My younger siblings laugh at me and though I know they’re only kidding, it still hurts a bit because I’m just not like them. Or most teens for that matter.

What Being A Teenager Has Taught Me

I am currently 20 years old and still consider myself a teenager (my late teens). For me, the age of 18-20 is like having one door to adulthood and the other is still in my teens. I get a few privileges and responsibilities of an adult but not all of them. I can go into a bar but not a casino. I can buy alcohol and cigarettes but not get married (there are very special conditions allotted for 18-20 year olds like pregnancy). The experiences I had as a teenager are still very fresh and I would like to share them with my readers. I believe that some may agree with my views and some may not. I respect that there are different opinions regarding this post and I hope my readers extend the courtesy as well.


1. We’re not children but we aren’t exactly adults either. Just like Britney Spears song “Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” we are something in between and we’re just trying to navigate our way in this world. It is not right to immediately classify us as children in the eyes of the law. We should have our own set of rules in the constitution for crimes committed by teenagers. The consequences for crimes such as rape, theft, and kidnapping by 13-17 year olds should be different compared to the same crime made by kids 12 and under and 18 and over. We also should not be treated like children. Give us more responsibilities and trust as we grow older. Being a teenager is our time to mature and we need to be more prepared for adulthood. Teach us how so that we can be safe and know what to do.

2. We’ll do stupid things. Let us. What I’m saying is that being a teenager is a time of experimenting and we’re gonna want to try a lot of stupid stuff that may or may not hurt us. The only thing parents and authority figures can do is regulate to what extent we’re going to hurt ourselves. If we want to try alcohol and see what it’s like to get drunk, then there should be a certain amount allocated to us. Enough to get drunk but not get wasted perhaps. There should also be an adult present when this happens. Not someone old enough to be a parent cause that takes away the fun but maybe someone between 18-25 like a cool older sibling or friend. Restricting kids in high school is just gonna make them want it more in college but without the supervision of adults. Safety is at risk even more. Teens will be curious about love, sex, drugs, and more so they need to know what they’ll get involved in. Forcing the belief of abstinence on students who don’t believe in it is not right (abstinence is for some, not all and it should be respected) so the importance of contraceptives should be emphasized. Drugs are very unhealthy and I don’t believe teens should involve themselves with things that can kill brain cells and are addicting but if ever they do, then health classes should educate students on all types of drugs and the consequences of trying out the more dangerous ones like LSD and heroin.

3.Don’t clip our wings. School doesn’t help. We have voices, ideas, beliefs, dreams, and aspirations. What I’ve notices is that the traditional school system is not a very good place for them. It’s very restrictive, political, and limiting. School forces you to conform to the norm and be like everyone else. If you don’t there are consequences. People, be they students or teachers find you strange and may even prevent your imagination from growing. The environment isn’t exactly very healthy either. Going to school is like a warzone and I can blame this due to the social hierarchy. Those who are classified as nerds, weirdos, freaks, and outcasts always get the short end of the stick. Just talk to them and you’ll know what I mean. Or perhaps once upon a time, you were that kid as well. Favouritism is rampant and it’s always those who are popular, wealthy, attractive, and well-connected who can enjoy school more and get way with things that other students can’t. School may not be all bad because one does make friends and socialize but sitting down for 8 hours a day with barely any breaks is not conductive to learning. It gets very boring and tiring. I’m serious. Parking my butt on a hard wooden chair is very uncomfortable and exhausting. Listening to teachers drone on and on is boring and students can’t be blamed for daydreaming because we can only listen for so long. The change of pace in college where I had fewer classes and longer breaks was a god send and helped retain my attention in classes longer. This really should be adapted in high school. You’d be surprised at how much better the students can pay attention.

There will be a part 2 for this once I’ve thought of more ideas. Perhaps you can comment below some of your lessons and I’ll be willing to expound on it and credit you in my next blog entry. I didn’t think a lot of people would be interested in what I have to say but as I made more blogs entries, I’ve gotten quite a good number of followers so thank you guys. This has inspired me to continue on. With that, I wish you all a Happy New Year and thank you for making my first year in blogging a memorable one.


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